"Make a Difference!"

So when I took two of my teenagers to the Illinois Holocaust Museum & Education Center in Skokie, IL Saturday, I had NO idea what an experience was in store for us!

My kids are somewhat Holocaust Museum connoisseurs, they have been to museums all over the country on school and family trips. I was excited to go and see this beautiful newer center but I do not share their love of the study of the Holocaust, per say.

Let me just clairify, this is not an endorsement of the Illinois Holocaust Museum, just the personal story about my experience there with my family. However, I would like to point out that IHM&EC did invited myself and other ABCters to participate in teacher trainings that they host regarding bullying and acceptance. We were honored and excited to attend and learned a lot from them :)

So, back to my story... We walked through their main exhibition for hours - reading the abundant plaques, watching videos, listening to stories of survivors and perusing the rare artifacts. We were all immediately horrified by merely standing inside the authentic German rail car they have on display, the type used in Nazi deportations. H.O.R.R.I.F.I.E.D!

 

 

We continued on to their current special exhibit, "Keep Calm and Carry On", about the history of the textile industry and studied many pieces of artwork in their gallery filled with artist's depictions of the Holocaust. We were saving the Room of Remembrance and the Hall of Reflection for the end of our visit.

 

Well before we left the first level of the Center, I told my teens, "let's check out the children's area". It is designed for kids ages 8-12 and my kids seemed less than thrilled by the idea but they happily followed along. (They're awesome like that).

 

All I can say is when I walked into "The Harvey L. Miller Family Youth Exhibition" I was immediately blown away. I mean, being the Anti-Bullying enthusiast that I am, I believe I heard the Angels sing... 'aaaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhaaaaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhhhaaaaaaaa'! This was the very first thing that I saw when I walked in:

 

 

Then this:

 

 

 

Welcome to "Make a Difference!", the exhibit that teaches children they have the power to be upstanders, not bystanders. L.O.V.E. First set of computer monitors is where you can createe your own "Upstander Oath". Here's mine:

 

 

Everyone gets to sit at a computer, pick their three favorite pledges then add them to their personal oath. They can print it off and sign it there, email it home, or both. It's awesome! My kids chose, "Brighten the world and smile often!", "Get involved" and "Lead by being a good example", just to name a few. (Yes, I'm super proud of them!). There are private computer stations where children can share their personal bullying story without fear. And there are inspiring signs and screens EVERYWHERE:

 

 

 

Just imagine a world where THESE were the message children were seeing everyday. Imagine a community where adults were living by these words. Just I.M.A.G.I.N.E. what a different world this would be? The power of one is real, that's why at ABC we say " <3 Together We Can <3 " Each one of us alone, yet each one of us together, we can make this the atmosphere in our communities, in our schools, and in our homes... We just have to DO IT! And then we have to inspire others to DO IT too!!! And then we can't idly stand by, we MUST speak up to injustices each and every time we have the opportunity.

 

The Holocaust was bullying. Genocide, still in existence today, IS bullying! Racism, sexism, anti-religious AND rigid pro-religious are all bullies. Homophobias are based on beliefs of ignorant bullies. Mean girls are bullies. Angry boys are bullies, social isolation is bullying, segregated countries and neighborhoods are based on bullying. These situations can ALL be eliminated by ONE person standing up, YOU! All of us should read the six signs above and write down our answers... this could be our personal 2014 New Year's Oath!

 

I will not give away all of the secrets of the amazingness of The Harvey L. Miller Family Youth Exhibition, but I will tell you this... If you live within driving distance or you are EVER in the area - GO. Don't think about going - GO. And maybe you're even lucky enough to have something like this available in your area of the world - GO. And if there is nothing available - maybe THIS is YOUR chance to make it happen. Start a movement. Start a lesson plan. Start or continue to stand up!

 

 

And as we left our amazing experience, thinking it just could not get any better. We walk up to the gift shop on our way out and there is the sweetest most soft spoken man sitting at a table outside the doors. We walked into the shop and looked around, the next thing I hear was this little tap on the window from the foyer. The little Mister summonsed me to him which I of course immediately obliged. He told me his name was Joseph and he was a survivor. I took his hand and told him I was SO glad that he was. And not only a survivor but a warrior to fight threw all of the mental anguish he must have felt in the years since. He just looked at me with a tear welling up in his eye and nodded yes. I asked if I could give him a hug, he replied "but of course!" in his thick accent and opened his arms. He gave me a true hug, a loving, appreciative, grandfatherly hug. I loved it! Then he handed me a copy of his book and said "This book, it's my story of how I made it". He had autographed a copy for me, it's called "I CHOOSE LIFE - Memories of a Holocaust Survivor Joseph Koenig" by Beth Hawkins Benedix So then,  as any self respecting gentleman would do, he planted a kiss on my lips and then gave me another HUGE HUG and we shook hands for a few more minutes looking into each others eyes. I never once felt sorry for him, I just am SO happy he survived and even more appreciative that he's willing to volunteer at the IHM&EC so that we can meet him, hug him and tell him we are proud of him.

 

 

I bet Joseph Koenig has been an upstander a time or two in his life. BE. LIKE. JOE.

 

Aunt T~



 







 

 

We Hear You Series #3: Don't Feed the Mean

In the beginning of my 5th grade year a few of my good friends, from the previous years, decided to turn on me. I had no idea why. It started with not talking to me and staying clear of me at recess and after school. Then the name calling began. I had very short hair for a girl, so they'd make rude comments or call me names based on that. They'd make fun of my clothes, too. I can remember just getting home as quickly as possible to share this with my mom and bawling my eyes out. I didn't understand why these girls had been my good friends before and now it seemed they hated me. I will never forget one girl that stood by my side through all of it. She never said anything, she was simply there with me, which was so comforting to me to know that one person liked me and at that same time was not bad-mouthing the girls that were being mean. I would run home as fast as I could to get away from that atmosphere every day. My mom would listen to me and then she would always say that sometimes when people make fun of others, it's because they have something they would like. In other words, my mom thought they were jealous of me. I just had to tell myself that over and over and never shout or comment mean things back. My mom made that really clear- no matter what, do not do what they're doing to me. Ignore the comments as hard as it was sometimes. No need to call names back at them, etc. I can also say that being involved in a sport at that time helped tremendously, as well. It was not associated with the school, so I had different friends there to hang out with and take out my frustration through the activity!

The bullying continued and led to prank calls that eventually were almost 24 hours a day. It got so bad, we intervened with the police to find out where the calls had been coming from. We did find out it was the same few girls. They had to apologize to me and my family. After that all happened, I remember being friends with these girls again. Even though I was hurt deeply by their comments, my one friend that was always there for me and my mom, helped me understand that some kids can be mean, but usually they have some issues of their own that they are trying to deal with. The best advice was not to feed in to their "mean-ness", but to ignore what they said to me and move on. Be the best me I could and surround myself with positive people and positive activities (sports, clubs).

We Hear You Series #2: Commenting Up! (Speaking up through Facebook comments)

From Barb:

This is why I continue to post for ABC. Some people just have no clue.
I just want to share a conversation that took place on my wall yesterday. I'm still shocked at BLANKS comments. His name is blocked to protect him from the bullying. I'm gonna tell him the next time we meet, even though I'll always love him, my respect for him is gone. I'm very disappointed that this conversation even took place, and am still awaiting for BLANK to apologize.

Barb Soh shared a link.
"Please Remember" - A Tribute to Those Lost to Bullycide
Like · · Share · Yesterday at 10:47

1 share
BLANK SAID: I say man up. We all got picked on as kids.......why is everyone treating this as a new trend. Its a life leasson that has to be learened. Why do we coddle children these days
Yesterday at 10:56 · Like

Barb Soh: because children these days are horrible. my daughter was cyberbullied and it was horrible. no child should feel so low and degraded as children these days make them feel. you'll understand when you're a parent.
Yesterday at 11:00 · Like

BLANK SAID: I guess I see ur point.....but I always took it as a life lesson that makes u stronger. It may not have cyber bullying but it was bullying. It makes u stronger and realize how to deal with people.
Yesterday at 11:03 · Like

OUTRAGED #1 SAID:  How sad that you should say "man up". it's exactly this kind of attitude that teaches children (who eventually become adults) that it is ok to treat other people like shit and make them feel worthless. Remember... some kids may not have parents that care either, maybe they don't have anyone to help them stand up for themselves... regardless of what their situation is at home it IS NOT just part of life. We need to be nicer to each other, as children AND adults. and there is quite a difference between coddling a child and raising them to stand up for what's right. I for one have not raised my child or taught my child that it ok to harass people, call them names, spread rumors etc. and if more parents and teachers did the same maybe the world wouldn't be such a harsh place to live in.
Yesterday at 11:34 · Like

Barb Soh: ok BLANK. you know i love you but let me tell you a couple of stories. when i had my nervous breakdown and couldn't force myself out of my bed for 7 months out of the last year my sister screamed at me, told me to pull up my big girl pants, took my daughter away from me and told me to get over it. what the hell was she thinkin? had i been able to do that don't ya think i woulda? to this day, she has my daughter legally and there ain't a damn thing i can do about it but cry because being deemed mentally insane has taken away my rights as a parent. she is still saying the same sort of things to me, hurting me more every time i talk to her, keeping my depression and anxiety at an all time high. yes, i do see myself as worthless and have on many occasions considered suicide because of her constant control over my mental status. but i know that's out of the question because of my daughter.
Yesterday at 12:13 · Like

Barb Soh: now lets move on to my 33 year old gay son. how do you think his childhood was? he would get bullied at school and then come home to his physically abusive step father who took away my ability to protect myself let alone my sons. on his school trip to washington dc, nobody wanted to room with him, and those finally assigned to do so made his trip a living hell. then he went on to college. on the first day in the dorms, students were allowed to put white boards on their doors for friends to leave messages if he wasn't in his room. that first message was not from a friend. it said "faggots must die". i made it to the university of toledo in hour and a half from mentor to protect the rights of my son. the student was caught and expelled, but that will never change what was to be my sons wonderful first day of college.
Yesterday at 12:21 · Like

Barb Soh: now on to my 25 year old son with tourettes syndrome. he made noises, his eyes blinked constantly, he would flick his fingers and he was the butt of most jokes during his school years. he too came home to that father, who used to make fun of him also. what kind of life is it for a child or adult who gets bullied. i can tell you all too well, but just the thought of what my kids went through is hopefully enough to help you see it from the other side of the coin.
Yesterday at 12:25 · Like

OUTRAGED #2 SAID:  I dont know you BLANK but shame on you

We Hear You Series #1 - Bully NO More

When my daughter was 5 yrs old she was relentlessly pursued by a child in her class to the point she did not want to go to school anymore...

I talked to the teacher who said (and I quote), "I know!! Isn't it cute? He LOVES her."

After I picked my jaw off the floor, I stated that this was NOT in any shape or form "cute" and it HAD to STOP! 

I was getting nowhere, so I took my daughter to the principal's office and said, “I give her permission to beat the snot out of ANYONE who touches her,”  (FYI - she was the most petite little 5 yr old and would NEVER lay a hand on anyone...LOL) “and if you put her in detention I will not only do the detention with her but will also notify EVERY SINGLE RADIO STATION AND THE NEWSPAPER, and inform them this nice little neighborhood school allows and condones bullying and yes...sexual harassment....”

The result?

Guess what!! I got an apology….. But wait?  Why did I get the apology when it was my child that was being bullied?  So then they apologized to HER and IT NEVER HAPPENED AGAIN!!

My daughter is now 26.  She is the most loving, beautiful, active young woman with tons of friends and a fabulous job, but has "that certain something" which attracts bullies. She has a much better understanding of it though and deals with it like a PRO. She is absolutely non-aggressive and now people understand that her gentle and kind nature is never to be confused with weakness!

Parents can be an enormous help to their children by solidly supporting them without being overbearing and BELIEVE your child when she/he complains about kids who aren't "so nice.”

Thank you for allowing me to share my daughter’s story!

Ruby Red

As I sit on a beach chair inside a home and watch Lake Michigan pound against the sand, I took out my 8 year old daughter’s notebook that I had her write about bullying in. As I sit at this Open House on this cold and blustery spring day, I decided to type up her words, take pictures of them to prepare for her very own blog posts.

We talk about Bullying frequently and she has often told me that she is proud of what I am doing. When we first started ABC, I gave her the notebook and asked her to write in it with the intent of sharing it on our page. Now that we have a blog, I will be sharing her words with you via this.

I have just finished typing them out and taking the pictures and I feel on the verge of crying. Now some of you who know me, may exclaim, “Well what’s new with that?” I admit to being a cry-er, but I was not always like that.

Having kids changed my life, changed my whole world. While the bullycides of too many youth were the inspiration behind ABC, if I was not a mother, I don’t think it would have affected me as much as it does.

When I think of the mothers and fathers that will never again get to hug their child because they were ruthlessly tormented by bullies, it honestly breaks my heart. And it also inspires me to make a difference.

I am honored that my 8 year old takes the time to write about bullying. I am happy to introduce you to her and her writings through our blog. Maybe one day she will be doing what I am, striving to make a difference.

For my protective motherly instincts, we will call her Ruby Red in all of her blog posts. She recently had me dye her hair a color as bright and unique as she is, and we came up with this nickname yesterday.

I will be posting her first blog post tomorrow morning, so make sure to come back, read her first blog post and subscribe to our blog!

Together We Can Make a Difference.