When it comes to bullying, I am very well aware that both my children could be at risk for this sooner or later. Both of them are my angels, but they have very different and distinct personalities that I believe could become a problem at some point. Knowing that, I make sure to spend a lot of time with them together and separately, to teach them how to build their self confidence and how to interact appropriately with their peer groups. I think we often forget how to do this because we (as their parents) think they are already perfect and why would anyone want to hurt them purposely?
My Son
Dylan is 6 years old, and is a complete mamma's boy. He loves to cuddle with me, read with me, and whenever he wants something, I am the parent he goes to most often first. The moments spent with his father, are the manly projects such as helping his father with his race car. He loves to get greasy and get a tool that he is allowed to use and the two of them have this father/son moment that no one can take away. It's very precious.
However, my son has issues. At the beginning of last year, I had to take him to therapy because he was acting out at home, and I had no idea what was going on. He was perfect in school, but would have a meltdown every morning and every afternoon when he got home. I was thinking he had hearing problems or had autistic tendencies, but when I had him evaluated, all of those things came back negative. We were referred to a therapist, who diagnosed him with having an adjustment disorder, oppositional defiant disorder, verbal obsessive-compulsive disorder, along with some anxiety issues. Whew!!
What this means, is that Dylan needs structure in his little world. He needs a schedule, and he needs to know what is going on at all times. If something is going to happen that is out of the ordinary, we have to tell him in advance so he can process it before it happens. When he comes home from school, he needs time to de-stress, because of being overstimulated during school. We give him this time without talking to him, and he will either go to his room and play with something, or to the toyroom/tv room to watch television by himself. After about 30 minutes, he has pulled himself together, and he joins the family. If we try talking to him during this time frame, he will have a meltdown.
He is very sensitive, and he needs everything to be orderly and fair. He has anger issues at times, and this is what scares me. If he's angry at 6 years old, what will happen with him when he is junior high or high school? Will this be the child who is the bully, or the one who is bullied? He's impulsive in his actions when he's angry. He is never physically out of control, but he can yell and scream with the best of them. I always know when something is wrong with him. He doesn't like to talk about things until he has time to process it. If we push him, then he cries and shuts down.
This last week, his sister spent some time away from home with a friend of hers for 3 days. Dylan almost had a meltdown because he didn't think that was fair, and he wanted to be with her. I proposed that we have mommy/son time together and he could choose what he would like to do. He was ecstatic about this. He chose to go to the pool with me, and I took him out to lunch. I also colored with him and played games, and we watched movies together. He felt as if he were the most important boy during those three days, and I know that was important for him. In doing these things with him, it increased his self esteem and showed him that he is a special person. I know that is the best feeling in the world for him.
My daughter
Alicia is 10 years old, and she is my drama queen. She cries at the drop of a hat (just like her mother), but is also a very compassionate young lady. She's growing so fast, and has started all areas of puberty except for mother nature, which I am sure will happen this summer. She's tall and skinny, and absolutely beautiful. Sometimes I forget that she's only 10 years old, and when I have said to her, "stop acting like a child!" she will scream at me and say, "But I AM a child!!" Oops. Sometimes I forget that, because she can act so mature at times.
Ali has a heart of gold. She has seen and heard me talk about bullying issues and how we need to treat everyone with respect. She has taken the caretaker role in school with a young boy who is a bit slower than everyone else. She helps him and encourages him to play with her and her friends when he looks lonely. She helps him with this assignments when she has completed hers, and she is just generally a sweet little girl. She likes everyone, and most of the time everyone likes her. Last year however, there was one girl in her class who did not like Alicia, and that just tore her world up. She couldn't understand it, and would try anything to get this little girl to like her. I finally had to explain to her that we don't have to like everyone we meet. Sometimes personalities just clash, and there's nothing that we can do about it. I told her that she had done nothing wrong, but we cannot make someone like us, no matter how sweet and nice we are. She seemed to understand this, but I know it still hurt her.
Today (since her brother is spending time away from home with his aunt), I took her to get her cell phone activated, took her out to lunch, and we went shopping for school. She had a blast. We talked about school starting and about bullying issues. I asked her what she thought bullying was, and she explained it all to me accurately. I do not believe that Alicia would ever bully someone, but I do believe that there is a possibility that she could become a victim of bullying due to her compassion and sincerity.
The purpose of this post, is that we as parents need to acknowledge that our children may or may not be a victim of bullying or become a bully themselves and we need to be prepared for that. As I stated before, we think that our children are perfect and they would never engage in such inappropriate behavior. However, our children are sponges....they soak up everything we say and do, and it is OUR responsibility to teach them the right way.
Children learn what they live.
Thank you.
~Amy~
Thursday, July 21, 2011
Friday, July 15, 2011
SAY IT OUT LOUD
For several weeks now I have had writers block. I have come to the conclusion that sometimes in life when your are not aligned with the universe it can make so many things that you usually view as normal, so completely out of whack...I fear that I have been overwhelmed in my everyday life that it has consumed me emotionally. I know that so many are feeling what I am feeling these days and I must admit it has so much to do with our Economy, yes I said it...THE ECONOMY. Times are hard for so many these day and so much burden is put upon us. I have been moping around, which is not in my character to do, but here I am acting as if I cannot do something about what is surrounding me. Then I was sent something from my Friend Elizabeth and it was like a light went off inside my subdued brain... it goes something like this.....
...
I don't know who wrote this, but after I read this something inside me changed....Yes this is how I have been feeling, this what I want to convey to the outside world...I need Help! Then I remember what I read in a book that I absolutely love called "THE SECRET". If you want something you must say it out loud. You can't keep things inside, especially if you want something, or need something. All you have to do is ASK... Wow how easy is that, but sadly for most of us, it is the hardest thing to do...ASKING FOR LOVE, ASKING FOR HELP, ASKING FOR FORGIVENESS....We are so programed to do it alone and forget that there are those who are ready and willing to help us, don't be a victim because you have chosen to go it alone. I say that you are the only YOU there is and you must do what is best for you, sometimes we are bullied into silence and I say....Remember who you are and if times are hard...Shout it from the roof tops.... picture what you need and ASK for what you want!
As Always, Be Sweet
Dori Lowry
Wednesday, June 29, 2011
Finding your own Courage
"Courage is what it takes to stand up and speak; courage is also what it
takes to sit down and listen" ~Sir Winston Churchill ~
I am writing this for a dear friend, who I hope will sit down and listen........
There are so many forms of courage....Courage to be who you are, Courage to accept others and how they choose to live their lives and Courage not to judge....
I learned that an old friend of mine came out of the closet. I was elated, because for so long we all knew that this day would happen, but because of fear and lack of Courage he "PRAYED THE GAY AWAY"....Why would someone do this? FEAR and Fear alone...afraid of what others might think of him and the fear that he would not be accepted by those he loves and holds close to his heart. I think that acceptance in yourself is the first step at breaking the cycle of fear. You are who you are...Embrace your uniqueness.....
We are all different, how boring would it be if we were all made out of the same cookie cutter mold.....You are who you are, you were born this way, yes we all have a choice on what kind of person we become and the everyday choices we do have free will to make. Do I believe that you are born Gay? Absolutely.....I don't think it's the choice of a young person to choose to be ridiculed and called names, and expose themselves to the cruelty of those around them that do not accept them for who they are...
I once heard an interview say the most incredible thing and to this day will forever be burned into my brain......An interviewer had asked the question, "IS BEING GAY A CHOICE"? And so many answered yes...it is a lifestyle choice. I was completely insulted by their answers, because I have had many gay friends and not one had ever said to me....I choose to be gay, I choose, to be ridiculed, teased, harassed, BULLIED....
The next set of questions that was asked by the interviewer to the same people was....
"WHEN DID YOU CHOOSE TO BE A HETEROSEXUAL"...WOW, what a question....my mouth dropped open and my mind went blank...they stopped....they thought...they listened....they looked perplexed and they said..."I DID NOT CHOOSE TO BE HETEROSEXUAL, I WAS BORN THIS WAY"... Indeed they were, born this way.....
So the next time you want to judge a person for their sexual orientation, stop and think...WERE YOU BORN THIS WAY? Be Courageous to be who you are, because you are the only you there is!
As Always Be Sweet,
Dori Lowry
takes to sit down and listen" ~Sir Winston Churchill ~
I am writing this for a dear friend, who I hope will sit down and listen........
There are so many forms of courage....Courage to be who you are, Courage to accept others and how they choose to live their lives and Courage not to judge....
I learned that an old friend of mine came out of the closet. I was elated, because for so long we all knew that this day would happen, but because of fear and lack of Courage he "PRAYED THE GAY AWAY"....Why would someone do this? FEAR and Fear alone...afraid of what others might think of him and the fear that he would not be accepted by those he loves and holds close to his heart. I think that acceptance in yourself is the first step at breaking the cycle of fear. You are who you are...Embrace your uniqueness.....
We are all different, how boring would it be if we were all made out of the same cookie cutter mold.....You are who you are, you were born this way, yes we all have a choice on what kind of person we become and the everyday choices we do have free will to make. Do I believe that you are born Gay? Absolutely.....I don't think it's the choice of a young person to choose to be ridiculed and called names, and expose themselves to the cruelty of those around them that do not accept them for who they are...
I once heard an interview say the most incredible thing and to this day will forever be burned into my brain......An interviewer had asked the question, "IS BEING GAY A CHOICE"? And so many answered yes...it is a lifestyle choice. I was completely insulted by their answers, because I have had many gay friends and not one had ever said to me....I choose to be gay, I choose, to be ridiculed, teased, harassed, BULLIED....
The next set of questions that was asked by the interviewer to the same people was....
"WHEN DID YOU CHOOSE TO BE A HETEROSEXUAL"...WOW, what a question....my mouth dropped open and my mind went blank...they stopped....they thought...they listened....they looked perplexed and they said..."I DID NOT CHOOSE TO BE HETEROSEXUAL, I WAS BORN THIS WAY"... Indeed they were, born this way.....
So the next time you want to judge a person for their sexual orientation, stop and think...WERE YOU BORN THIS WAY? Be Courageous to be who you are, because you are the only you there is!
As Always Be Sweet,
Dori Lowry
Thursday, June 23, 2011
ACCEPTING YOURSELF
“You never really understand a person until you consider things from his point of view”
To Kill A Mockingbird, by Harper Lee.
One of my most favorite quotes ever...
Today I read something on a social network written by a young girl that really resonated with me. She was talking about not being pretty. It made me so sad to hear such words coming from such a young person. Not Pretty? Why would she feel this way, because from where I stood, I thought she was a very lovely girl who was very pretty. I started to think, why do these girls think so little of themselves and why would they write it for all to see?
I wonder what must be going through her mind? Being an adolescent is hard....So much pressure for young adults and pre-teens to deal with. I thank the Universe every day that I have girls with such high self esteem. Whenever someone has commented to them about their outer appearance, they have always said THANK YOU.
Yes, Thank you....Day one of their lives I have always told them how beautiful, smart and special they are, and I see the difference in the child who isn't told they are special and the child who has so much confidence in herself.....It is our J.O.B. to make sure that we raise intelligent, happy, confident young adults, they are our future and we must protect them, because the reality of it all will soon be upon them. I think we should all stop and think, walking in someone else's shoes might do all of us some good and help us understand what goes on in some one's life other than our own.
So I say, try to be more caring of the person next to you, for we don't know what goes on in their lives to make them feel so worthless....Take a moment to compliment a child, it could be the best thing someone has every said to them...We should all be accepting of others, who they are and what they stand for. It sure would make the world a better place if we did. Be good to yourself, accept who you are and if you don't like yourself FIND THE COURAGE TO CHANGE.....
Yes, Thank you....Day one of their lives I have always told them how beautiful, smart and special they are, and I see the difference in the child who isn't told they are special and the child who has so much confidence in herself.....It is our J.O.B. to make sure that we raise intelligent, happy, confident young adults, they are our future and we must protect them, because the reality of it all will soon be upon them. I think we should all stop and think, walking in someone else's shoes might do all of us some good and help us understand what goes on in some one's life other than our own.
So I say, try to be more caring of the person next to you, for we don't know what goes on in their lives to make them feel so worthless....Take a moment to compliment a child, it could be the best thing someone has every said to them...We should all be accepting of others, who they are and what they stand for. It sure would make the world a better place if we did. Be good to yourself, accept who you are and if you don't like yourself FIND THE COURAGE TO CHANGE.....
As Always, Be Sweet....
Dori Lowry
Thursday, June 16, 2011
Who am I? That's easy. Who are you?
The Breakfast Club - 1985
"Dear Mr. Vernon, we accept the fact that we had to sacrifice a whole Saturday in detention for whatever it was that we did wrong...and what we did was wrong, but we think you're crazy to make us write this essay telling you who we think we are. What do you care? You see us as you want to see us... in the simplest terms and the most convenient definitions. You see us as a brain, an athlete, a basket case, a princess and a criminal. Does that answer your question?"
So...who do I think I am?
For everyone else that sees me on the outside, that is easy. I am a woman. I am a mother, wife, friend, educator, mentor and advocate. What else is there? I assure you, there is plenty more of who I really am. Do you really want to know? Are you interested? Then listen.
People see what they want to see. Some see us as hot headed, egotistical, fat, flirtatious, funny, nice, compassionate, or stupid. They make fun of us for feeling how we do, and tell us that we shouldn't feel that way. They make our self-esteem drop to the ground because they do not validate our feelings or even acknowledge them. However, we as human beings are much more complex than that. We allow for you to see just bits and parts of who we really are, because of our fear of intimidation and failure. However, if you took the time and listened, you might be surprised at who we really are.
Open your eyes and your heart and listen to what is being said and how it is presented. Do not pretend to listen to us, and only hear what you want. We are more than what you see. We are human. Do not bully us into agreeing with your beliefs or be mad at us because we may not agree with everything you do. We are individuals. We are entitled to our own opinions and beliefs and our values are most likely going to be different. We will not stand to be ridiculed and humiliated just because we think outside of the box. We are who we are. That won't change.
If you really want to know us, then there are simple things you must know. Include us instead of exclude us...smile at us rather than look us up and down...listen to us rather than ignore us...talk with us rather than at us and accept us no matter how different you think we are. You don't have to like us, but at least respect us enough to accept our differences and allow us to be free.
Accept our faults and our failures, just as much as our goodness and successes. Include us, guide us, and trust us. Let our differences be what keeps us laughing, not what tears us apart. Teach us to fly, and we will soar.
Who am I? That is easy. I know exactly who I am and what I stand for. Who are you?
~Amy~
"Dear Mr. Vernon, we accept the fact that we had to sacrifice a whole Saturday in detention for whatever it was that we did wrong...and what we did was wrong, but we think you're crazy to make us write this essay telling you who we think we are. What do you care? You see us as you want to see us... in the simplest terms and the most convenient definitions. You see us as a brain, an athlete, a basket case, a princess and a criminal. Does that answer your question?"
So...who do I think I am?
For everyone else that sees me on the outside, that is easy. I am a woman. I am a mother, wife, friend, educator, mentor and advocate. What else is there? I assure you, there is plenty more of who I really am. Do you really want to know? Are you interested? Then listen.
People see what they want to see. Some see us as hot headed, egotistical, fat, flirtatious, funny, nice, compassionate, or stupid. They make fun of us for feeling how we do, and tell us that we shouldn't feel that way. They make our self-esteem drop to the ground because they do not validate our feelings or even acknowledge them. However, we as human beings are much more complex than that. We allow for you to see just bits and parts of who we really are, because of our fear of intimidation and failure. However, if you took the time and listened, you might be surprised at who we really are.
Open your eyes and your heart and listen to what is being said and how it is presented. Do not pretend to listen to us, and only hear what you want. We are more than what you see. We are human. Do not bully us into agreeing with your beliefs or be mad at us because we may not agree with everything you do. We are individuals. We are entitled to our own opinions and beliefs and our values are most likely going to be different. We will not stand to be ridiculed and humiliated just because we think outside of the box. We are who we are. That won't change.
If you really want to know us, then there are simple things you must know. Include us instead of exclude us...smile at us rather than look us up and down...listen to us rather than ignore us...talk with us rather than at us and accept us no matter how different you think we are. You don't have to like us, but at least respect us enough to accept our differences and allow us to be free.
Accept our faults and our failures, just as much as our goodness and successes. Include us, guide us, and trust us. Let our differences be what keeps us laughing, not what tears us apart. Teach us to fly, and we will soar.
Who am I? That is easy. I know exactly who I am and what I stand for. Who are you?
~Amy~
Wednesday, June 15, 2011
- COMMUNICATION
- "By choosing to embrace and practice good values every day, you may not always get what you desire, but you will always be the person you desire to be.."
~ John C Maxwell from Today Matters - What great words of wisdom to instill in our families...Especially with how our economy is affecting everyone around us, taking a huge toll on the family unit. Since summer has begun, this is our opportunity as parents to reconnect with our children. Try and help them be the best young person I know that they can be...with a little love and guidance, all is possible...
I know that we are with them every day, however, it's time we try and spend some real time with them...I have three girls of my own and two nieces. I have decided to make it my goal to try and be a better parent by doing one simple thing.....Listening...
Listening to what they are trying to communicate to me. Oh, you all know how hard that can be, communicating with pre-teens and teenagers. These are vital and impressionable years and we have to take the time to HEAR what our kids are saying to us.
We are very busy with everyday life and I believe we think we are listening to our children, but are we truly? So what do I plan on doing this summer in order to communicate better?
Listen before I judge and yell...oh yes, I sometimes yell...I am going to be more understanding, and remember how I was during my teen years. I was impossible and knew that my mother didn't understand me at all. We forget as parents that we were once teens ourselves.
I will go back to the "BACK IN THE DAY" library in my head and come up with some things I felt when I was their age...so yes, spend time with them, talk to them this summer and I think that maybe life will be that much more sweeter.
What will you be doing?
As always, Be sweet,
Dori Lowry
- COMMUNICATION
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)